February 5th, 2018 - Bronze

Dear TNY,

So, “Bronze.”  This letter will be difficult for me because I don't think I can put my finger on exactly what I want to say.  But I will try very hard to map my feelings, and hopefully by circling the drain, you will understand.

First, let’s dispatch with the italicized emphasis.  While this story used this technique more appropriately than “The Boundary” (I am considering the proper usage for titles and whatnot exempt), the overabundance was still an annoyance.  I won’t harp on it, though.  More on that subject can be found on the post associated with the story in the link in this paragraph.

TNY, I was made empathetic.  Now, I did not weep like this was “Tenth of December” or anything.  But I was moved.  A little.  As you have probably surmised, I’m not an erudite scholar and I don’t have a lexicographer's way with words.  I certainly cannot pinpoint why I was moved as precisely as I'd like to.  I do know a major contributor was the characterization.  The developments of Kent and Eugene were quite good.  I found their journey endearing.  Their struggle with existence and their place within it was real and, at least for this reader, was written well enough that I wasn’t totally distracted by the flaws with this piece.  I’d like to specifically highlight my appreciation for Eugene’s sexual confusion and Kent's struggle to define himself within his sexuality.  Both were handled well.  These characters, like us, are not one thing.  And that array, and the continuous betrayal/acceptance of one’s facets within that array, makes these characters more real.

Additionally, this piece was mostly scene, and the character’s physical actions within these scenes played well, almost like watching a short film (note that I accompanied this piece with Keaton Henson’s “Healah Dancing” on loop, which I think contributed to the feel).  Some of these scenes were overdone (too much description or jarring shifts or poetry or items & movement that didn't need to be there), but as writing is a balancing act, I think no so overdone that I disregarded the whole story.

Cutting.  It needs to be done.  This piece is quite long and there are enough distracting passages that it did drag.  Firstly, I think the poetry should go.  I tend to believe most readers, even of the best literary authors, tend to glaze over the poetry within fiction.  So, this clutter is getting in the way.  Also, this is a slow starter and should be compressed for the first couple of (my) pages.  I appreciated the flipping back and forth between the present and past to build character, but I did not think the flipping back and forth between Kent's and Eugene’s consciousnesses was done so well.  Also, and I don’t think this will come as a surprise, I’m not a fan of this psychic distance, and I was annoyed by how much of their thoughts I had to wade through.  This story could have been so much more tense without knowing what the characters were thinking while we watched them interact with each other.  Let me build those thoughts.  Let me create something and invest myself deeper into this piece.  Also, changing to that psychic distance would shrink this piece substantially.

Well, fuckers, I don’t regret reading this.  Point to you, TNY.

Yours in appreciation for a scene in which a man’s face is the drain in a urinal,

Nick