September 17th, 2018 - Cecilia Awakened

Dear TNY,

Fuck my face with this “Cecilia Awakened” bullshit.  I don’t even have the capacity to express how fucking astonished I am that this made it to your pages.  The title is a fucking romance novel.  The conflict is non-existent.  The characters are two dimensional, dry, and boring.  The entire story is summary, such that the author is taking an already trash premise and horrorshow craft and then summarizing it instead of giving us scene (read:  no one is interested).  It is easier to say that there is nothing right with the story than to list everything that is wrong.  Every fucking syllable is wrong.  This story would not stand up collegiate level scrutiny.  This story would flounder in a high school writing workshop.  This shit is YA at best.  And you’re a fucking disappointment for ensuring these words and this author are now associated with TNY.

Now, for a brief moment, little one, can you hand the letter to your parents?  Thanks now, creampuff.  Go run and play with your friends.  That’s right.  You’re superhero.  You’re amazing.  You’re awesome just the way you are, m'kay.

Dear Conde Nast,

I’m not sure where your head is at with TNY, but they are off the fucking reservation with this shit.  I cannot believe you are not calling for resignations after this.  Do you not read the fiction?  Do you not read?  Are the stacks of money so tall that you do not care about how they appeared?  Are you not ashamed of yourself?  Are you not ashamed for all of humanity that you allow TNY to publish work that is supposed to be representative of literature and have literary merit but is, instead, an affront to approximately 5000 words in the English language?  Are you sitting on a beach right now, unaware that TNY ensures the world is awash in subpar literature because they are setting the bar lower and lower each week?  Are you friends with the author?  Lovers?  Kin?  Are you even listening?  Why doesn’t anything they publish matter to you?  Why do you allow this?  Why the fuck don’t you care?  HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?!

Fuck you.  Fuck TNY.  Fuck this Twilight/Harry Potter/Beverly Cleary/Fifty Shades sack of shit ass fucking “literature”.  (nothing against those brands because they do not purport to be literature; you do, fucko)

Art matters, bitch.  You don’t.

Nick