January 13, 2020 - Found Wanting

Dear TNY,

100th post! Fuck my face! “Found Wanting” is a waste of time!

Yes, I read it all.  And I don’t want to waste any more time with my eyes on this fucking screen.  The entire fucking story was summary.  And it was agonizingly long.  This much summary over this short period of time (story time) does this surprising trick of never letting us get close enough to the characters to care about them (because we don’t experience the scenes with them, we are told how they experienced it, which alienates the reader) while simultaneously boring us the fuck to death.  So there’s this long ass boring fucking story in which we don’t connect to the main character because he’s egotistical enough to neglect us as the reader.  Or maybe that’s the author’s neglect. It’s definitely your neglect, ultimately, TNY. The job title is Editor, isn’t it?

Anyway, I liked the idea of the kid in the Highlands.  His snippet early on was far more interesting than anything else in this story. 

Oh, this story should have been a fucking novel.  Filled with scene.  Or at least a novella.  This writing is all wasted here.  Or maybe I don’t know shit.  Maybe you plebes at the magazine and the plebe readers just devour this amateur hour bullshit, this bush league bullshit, and I’m the one in the dark.

Oh, much like Updike (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit) and that fully loaded diaper, “Cat Person”, this story manages to make sexual tension uninteresting or vacant.  Congrats.  I can understand attempting to make it ugly, but Christ, there had better be some fucking tension.  You know why there isn’t any?  Because it’s all fucking summary and the reader is FUCKING WATCHING IT VS EXPERIENCING IT AND HOLY FUCKING BALLSACK IS WATCHING SEX SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN EXPERIENCING IT (SARCASM YOU FUCKING NOBS).

Nick