March 14th, 2022 - The Biographer's Hat
Dear TNY,
You’ve outdone yourself with “The Biographer’s Hat”.
This feels like a TNY story. Like, if it were a piece of “art” in the MoMA, it would have to have a plaque next to it to explain why the fuck it matters. But, you know, it just doesn’t. It’s a complete waste of time. It feels like it’s a vehicle to discuss people from a place and time (or movement) that really fucking mattered to someone (i.e. the author) that likely don’t fucking matter at all anymore. And half the people are…what, fake? Half real? Please write back to me and tell me what the point of this is. Explain to me, like I’m a fucking child, why this “art” matters. How it moves us forward as a species. How it breaks our hearts. But I warn you motherfuckers, if you come back with an explanation that even hints at this story’s importance coming from its smugness about intentional cleverness derived from manipulating a narrative via any number of literary devices, I will mail you my shit. Not even a good shit. A double bagger, just to be sure it makes it through transit without leaking.
There must be someone out there, besides the author and you, TNY, that likes this. I’ll bet when that group reads Carver’s or Wolff’s or Ford’s or Hemingway’s or O’Connor’s or Hannah’s or Carlson’s short fiction about real fucking people doing real fucking shit, they are like, “Unrelatable!” Well that’s how I feel when I read this shit. This feels academic to me. Built for leather elbow patches and felted cowboy hats devoid of a sweat ring. Molded by soft hands with no dirt under the nails. This shit is BBFB. By the Bourgeoisie, For the Bourgeoisie.
Art is about accessibility. Inclusion. Empathy. Transcending the motherfucking plane and touching the goddamn ether, you twats. It’s about Love. Ugh. This story isn’t.
Also, I think I’m correct in saying that your old slogan is gone (and has been for some time). That slogan pushed me into taking on this project in the first place. It seems that it is now:
The Stories That Matter. The Humor You Need.
And I know I’ve talked about this slogan before. But I think it bears repeating. This story doesn’t matter. And it’s not funny. So, you know, what gives?
Please write back soon. So looking forward to hearing from you.
Nick
P.S. Sorry about last month’s rant about my life. I feel like it was over the top, even for me. I was upset. I’m still upset. But it seems like you can’t bend life to be fair. It just isn’t. So I need to pull up my big boy pants and march on.
